oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The uberlube is also flammable
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
