my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
