I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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