i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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