gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
