I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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