Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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