I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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