you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
