hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
