Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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