well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
