I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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