I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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