Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
