He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
