The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
