I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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