The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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