The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
