i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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