Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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