And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
