Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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