Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
