I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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