I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
