I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
