I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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