i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
