Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
