I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
