I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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