3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
