I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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