sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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