The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
