Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
