you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just forgot I was standing up.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
