Soap is not a condiment
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
