threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
