im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
