Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
