he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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