So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
