My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
