he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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