Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
