hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
