doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
