You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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