After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
