They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize