Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
