I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
