Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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