if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
