we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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