i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
