New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
