it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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