how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
