i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
