My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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