Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
