my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
