This is not my ceiling
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
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