I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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