So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize