so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
